Writing Prompt - You started writing your autobiography earlier this year. In 484 words or fewer, tell us what you’ve written so far on page 112.
… and that is why my
family was kicked out of Sugar Land, Texas and told to never return for the
rest of Betty White’s life.
***
It wasn’t long after the Sugar Land banishment when I got the call from The
Workshop. My new handler would be an agent by the name of Bradley
Cooper. No, not THAT Bradley Cooper, it’s just a guy with the same name as
THAT Bradley Cooper. I made it a point not to bring up the exact
similarities of the name to my new handler. I’m sure he had heard it all
before – a lot like I did growing up with the last name of “Bolton.”
“Bolton, huh?” a teacher, employer or police officer would start, “any relation
to Michael?”
Most of the times I’d say no and get my speeding ticket. But when MySpace and
Facebook started to become a thing I decided to put my aforementioned Photoshop
skills into play. I started to superimpose a picture of the soulful
R&B singer and me into pictures together. We’d be playing softball;
baking cookies; having Thanksgiving dinner; but not Christmas dinner – he’s a
busy guy. So now I would say, “Heck yeah we’re related!!” and I’d show
them the pictures. Those idiots would be so jealous.
But Agent Bradley Cooper wasn’t related to THAT Bradley Cooper because who in the Cooper family would name two kids “Bradley”? When the wife and I
were trying to pick out baby names for one of the kids (I honestly don’t
remember which one, but let’s say it was Emma), we couldn’t pick a name that
had already been claimed by a family member. We couldn’t claim it even it
was an in-law or a middle name. We also couldn’t claim it if it was my
mother-in-law’s elementary school mortal enemy. So it’s safe to say that
Agent Bradley Cooper wasn’t related to the “Sexiest Man Alive” but I’m sure he
isn’t too horribly deformed. I’m assuming he’s partially deformed since
he does have a desk job.
When
Agent Bradley Cooper called me, I was standing in the check-out lane at
Target. I had just run in there for a new iron, but ended up with about
three-hundred dollars’ worth of glorious household items of various solid
primary colors. We talked while Olive the twenty-something cashier
scanned my impulse items. Agent Bradley Cooper informed me of changes in
the ranks and protocols since the Livingston assignment fiasco. I’m a
team player so I understood. It would mean working with new agents and
over greater geographical areas. I scheduled time to meet him in
Washington and noticed he sounded a lot like Betty White.
“Bolton, huh?” Olive asked when handing me back my card. “Do you know
there’s a Troy Bolton in High School Musical?”