#TopTenFreeMothersDayGifts [Humor]

#TopTenFreeMothersDayGifts [Humor]






Mother's Day is next week.  Whether you're getting it for your awesome wife or your very loving mother, you need to show her how much you care for her this Mother's Day.

Of course you have to TREAT YO' SELF to Free Comic Book Day and finish watching the NBA Playoffs first.  Once you get a free moment or two, you need to put them first!!

Now I know what it's like living paycheck to paycheck.

It's tough.

Sometimes Mother's Day falls on the Sunday BEFORE you get paid and that really sucks.  It's a good thing God invented the craigslist free section for us to get those between pay period gifts for the woman that bore our children.

She reminds us of that quite often.

So for those of us with dozens of dollars, save that cheddar, yo because here are the...


TOP TEN FREE MOTHER'S DAY GIFTS
(found on craigstlist)





"What the heck is she going to do with SIX GALLONS OF FEATHERS??" you say?  Oh ye' of little faith.  Just look at the description. These are authentic duck and chicken feathers. Pulled from supposedly dead farm animals.  We aren't privy if the duck or chicken met their demise by man, illegal poultry fighting ring, or the hand of God.  All we know is that these are supposedly authentic. And the fact they were in her dad's attic makes them instant antiques.  I bet I could get a doctor on here and they can confirm if these feathers are stuffed in a pillow case all neck pain or migraines will be gone if using these.




Now don't imply anything with this.  She's always saying how she wants to work out.  She wants to get rid of the baby weight she put on from giving birth to your kids because you went and got her pregnant. Take a baby wipe and clean it off.  Tell her there's no implications from this and you just want her to go at a pace she's comfortable with.  




She loves the HGTV shows like Design on a Dime and Love It or List It.  If they're actually on HGTV and not TLC or some other channel I'm not entirely sure and I don't really want to Google.  Anyways.  Retro-Classic Kitchen right here, boi!! Look in the description, "ACTUAL WOOD".  None of that particle board crap.





Add class to the piles of laundry in the living room with a piano.  Take another baby wipe and dust this bad boy off.  She can spend hours listening to the kids playing songs for her and eventually you can move the unfolded clothes from the love seat to the piano bench.  More room for you two to snuggle.




Does she Pinterest?  She's a girl, she must Pinterest.  She's probably frustrated with herself from all the pins shes Pinterested in and hasn't done anything Pinteresty with them.  Give her a couple dozen pallets and tell her, "Make the awesome happen, Sweetie.  Make the awesome!"




Is she always telling you she needs a hair cut? Welllllllll BAM!!  A Haircut and Styleout!!  Whatever a styleout is I'm sure she'll be all like, "Thank you, Honey!"  And the thing is, they need models all the time for stuff like this.  So the next time she complains wants another haircut and or styleout, you can tell her you gots this, Mama.





Mom's love flowers.  You can't go wrong with flowers.  If you put out for a shovel, you can make a date out of it if you both go dig it up together.




More Pinterest stuff.  I've seen moms on Pinterest make everything out of these french doors.  If you give this to her just tell her, "I trust you, honey.  You make this house beautiful just being here.  Take this and make it beautifuller!!"





It never fails, four days after you go shopping, she's telling you we need to buy less gluten.  Instead of saying this would have been nice to know four days ago and I'm not sure you even meant it, you can give these to her and let her know all our gluten fears are over now.  Then the two of you make gluten  free tortillas all sexy like just like they did in Ghost and it will be on!! On like Comic-Con, son!!





While you can move all the laundry from the love seat to this as well. You, yourself, will probably get the most use out of this thing if she doesn't appreciate any of the potential killer gifts on this list.  Need a mattress? Just go back to craigslist, there's plenty on any given day.


Have an awesome Mother's Day ladies.  


If you're interested in contacting Eric D. Bolton for any of your freelance writing needs, please contact me at ericdbolton@mail.com